my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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