well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
