worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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