I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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