I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
