Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
