just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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