its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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