Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
