UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize