yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
