Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
