My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
