Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
