At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
