This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
