the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
