You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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