We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i want to swaddle you in tequila
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
