We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
