I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
