Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
