dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize