JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
