Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
