I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
