So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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