just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
