1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
