Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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