She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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