Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
