i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
