lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
