Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
