she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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