It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
