uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
