Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
NoShamevember. You game?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
