His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize