two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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