She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
