dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
