Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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