Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize