last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
