I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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