I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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