i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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