i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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