Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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