After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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