If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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