when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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