I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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