Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
