I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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