were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
