I wanna bring you to show and tell
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
