Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and she was petting her beer can
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
