So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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