What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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