I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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