she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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