If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
