Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
