Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
