the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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