he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
