how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
