I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
