I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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