Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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