Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
