He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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