you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
