She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry about my life...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
