I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
