wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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