Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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