All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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