My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
