I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
