when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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