I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Congratulations! We have a period
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