I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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